Friends Only
Spike
rampagingkiwi
  

Sometimes . . .
Seduction
rampagingkiwi
. . . I see a person in an outfit, and I think, "What were YOU thinking??? And why must I be forced to think that thought with you??!?"

Oh NYC, thou hast betrayed me.

Shameful, indeed.
Seduction
rampagingkiwi

*gasp*
Seduction
rampagingkiwi
 http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=13027745

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!?!?!

What in the World . . .
Tree
rampagingkiwi
Everything you ever thought you knew about credit cards/ credit card companies/ debt is probably a lie.  We are being raped, and we just lie still and let it happen.

I am shocked.  I am angry.  But in the end, I'm just so sad.  I'm crying for a daughter, a son, and a mother. 

Even if documentaries aren't your thing, watch Maxed Out.  It will blow your freaking mind.

Fashion 101, The Boy Edition
Spike
rampagingkiwi

In my quest to bestow fashion knowledge, it seems that I have wholly neglected the lesser gender.  Okay boys, it’s your turn.

 

I don’t care who you are, what grade of celebrity status you’ve achieved, or how good you are at football.  You are STILL not allowed to wear pajamas in public.  In fact, I favor girls wearing pj pants in public over guys wearing them.  And we all know how I feel about girls in jammies.  But at least when girls wear pajamas, any . . . business they may have is still properly supported.  Boy + boxers + pj pants + dining hall = me thinking, “EWWWW!” while trying to finish my seven dollar dinner.

 

And this tip is really for your own emotional protection.  When you go to the gym, KEEP IT PROPORTIONAL!  It is grotesque when boys walk around looking GOOD . . . from the pecs up (including arms).  Shoulders and arms like an adult male Gorilla, legs like a pre-pubescent girl’s.  So if you’re a little bit work out stupid, this means that if you’re pumping massive iron with your arms, pump it with your legs, too.  Just ask a trainer to help you out if you don’t know what to do.  I promise it’ll be worth it!

 

Also, make sure your non-bench pressing keeps up with your bench pressing.  Your proportions need to make you look fit, not like a guy with man boobs.  Besides, how much you can bench really only impresses other guys, and WHY are you trying to impress other guys??

 

Oh, and if you bench too much and your pecs are sore, refrain from rubbing them gently in public.  I will laugh at you and ask if it’s your “time of the month.”


Fashion 101
Spike
rampagingkiwi
Ladies, do not wear stilettos and shorts.  Unless those shorts are dressy shorts and you're wearing a dressy top and the shorts come down to your knees.  If the "shorts" are longer, they basically just need to be pants.  Seldom a woman can pull off wearing any kind of cropped pant with stilettos without looking stupid.  If your shorts are modestly lengthed, you will just look stupid.  If your shorts are short shorts, booty shorts, hot pants or any other length of very shortness (that I feel shouldn't even be presented to the public), you will look like a ho.  Everyone will realize you look like a ho, and boys will like you and probably hit on you, but girls will wish you had more self respect or at least a smidge of fashion sense.  Personally, I will laugh at you behind your back because you think you're cute, but really, we all know you's a ho.

Why Grenadine is Great
Seduction
rampagingkiwi

The single most important ingredient to have in a non-alcoholic well stocked bar is . . . grenadine.  Grenadine, for one, is red.  Red is a rather fun color!  When paired with lovely orange/yellow colored drinks, one can attain a beautiful sunset or sunrise appearance in a beverage.  When paired with a clear drink, a lovely red to pink to clear gradient is achieved.  The best part as that due to the sugar content of grenadine, it sinks to the bottom of the glass beautifully, and stays there until most of the beverage has been consumed.  Grenadine sinks well in every shape of glass I've used, which includes wine, martini, and high ball glasses, and also champagne flutes.  Grenadine is also cheap and one bottle will last for a very long time.  Go get some grenadine.  Now.


What not to wear.
Spike
rampagingkiwi
Ladies, as we embark on a new school year, I know that many of you are looking forward to doing a little back to school shopping for clothes. Although I don’t often use this skill, I do feel that I am stylistically inclined, and thus have the authority to give you this warning/advice. As you flip through the magazines and wander down the isles of clothing stores, you may notice a re-occurring theme. Do not succumb, my friends! Please, PLEASE do not buy “skinny jeans.” The ONLY reason one should wear skinny jeans is if 1) one is indeed skinny AND 2) one is wearing a knee high boot, in which the jean is tucked. By skinny, I don’t just mean thin, as many of you are thin, but I mean thin and with NO hips. If you have a “boyish” figure, and you tuck your skinny jean bottoms into a lovely pair of boots, wear those pants, girlie. Otherwise, I suggest you A) not purchase a skinny jean, B) not wear a skinny jean, or C) at least not let anyone take a picture of you in these jeans, because in as little as a year, you will regret having worn or owned them and you will wonder where your friends were and why they weren’t looking out for you amidst this fashion tragedy.

Many months ago, when this bad 80’s trend resurfaced, I basically ignored it, assuming that the everyday fashion world would see through the ploy of the crazy, yet couture leaders of the fashion industry. Instead, we everyday folk have bought into a trend that was hideous the first time around, and is just as bad, if not worse, now!

In the end, you will do what you want. You will wear your pajama pants in public, you will wear socks with sandals, and you might even put a scrunchy in your hair! But please, please leave the skinny jeans to, well, the skinny boys who wear girls’ clothing, and the badly dressed mommies who just don’t know any better.

?

Log in